In My Closet

Is my closet different from yours? No, it's not. I have the same closet as everyone else. Closets are for putting clothes in. Instead, we have skeletons, secrets, and lies buried deep in our closets. I have secrets in my closet. I won't let anyone judge me because I'm too busy judging my own life. Yes, I do tell lie after lie to hide the secrets I have. My closets aren't always dirty. Some are clean, which I promise to keep.

Some people don't care what's in their closet. Others have a conscience that's eating them alive. I figure that when my secrets come out, that's just how it is. What can I do or say? Nothing. I can't get mad; I can't be sad; I can't be in more pain than everyone else. If my family and friends ask me about my secrets, I'll tell them you can't trust or believe everyone who asks. I won't feel relieved. People say, "What's in the dark comes to light." People sit and wait for your secrets to come out while they're still denying their own closets.

 Sometimes I break my promises. I am not perfect; the man up above is. Skeletons are jumping out of my closet that I had forgotten I had. I thought I buried them a long time ago. I don't understand when people say they want to forget a person or something that happened; that's impossible - you can't block anything out of your mind later. It's a habit to talk about my life, not with others intentionally. My friends and I will talk about anything, and the next thing you know, all my secrets have come out. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by certain people. If you don't want your business exposed, they will tell the whole universe the first chance they get. I have more than one closet. I try not to think about what's in my closet - all the lies I've told, the secrets I've hidden, along with the skeletons I've covered up. I can't get away from all my sins. I've dreamt that each skeleton pulls me away one by one in different directions. I love looking in the mirror at myself. Most of the time, I see my flesh melting, and my skeleton is laughing at my reflection, saying, "Look at yourself with the pain and hurtfulness in your closet." I closed my eyes for one minute, then opened them again. It seemed like nothing happened.

I look in the mirror every time and say, "One more time, I can do this." Whoever comes my way, I am prepared for it. With my sins and secrets following behind me, it's harder to live my life day by day. I try not to rain without the rainbow coming out. If the rainbow doesn't come out after it rains, it feels like Jesus saying He doesn't forgive you. Nobody wants to know that feeling. I remind myself that the man above is judging me, definitely not anyone else.

I used to think that when people die, do they see everything I do? To whom I lied? Now they're gone, and I'm hurting them more than ever by looking down on me and seeing what I lied about. When I was a child, it was so hard for me to keep secrets - surprise parties, surprising people to see their family and friends, and taking them somewhere they'll love. People try to get you to give them hints. Being excited is so hard keeping secrets from people I love.

By EarthAngel